2/28/2014

Choco time

Choco time




One of my beloved SS treated me with this very deli bar of chocolate today in the sweet afternoon. She said it's from Georgia, one of my fav places in the world! But the sign on the carton says it comes from France, my second dream place of all times! Nevertheless, thank you, Liza! 

Just kiddin'. But....



Isn't it fresh? I mean....
This guy is a real freak but won't life won't life be boring if such people don't live on the planet? My answer is:  "Si, Oui, Yes, Bien sur....it will"!

2/23/2014

Gotcha hobby? 


I mean isn't it nice when some things leap into your mere life and completely elate it? Esp. it's good when it comes spontaniously without your batting an eyelid. 
This is how my small collection of magnits got born. 
Yesterday I was given one from Turkey (thanx to my friend Mehmet) as a keepsake! And for the moment it's a major part of the entire range of memorable thingies which are so dear to my heart coz it's not a simple magnit but a guard against one's evil eye! 
Hope to get more and more magnits from different places because y'all know how my asshole is striving for new adventures abroad! LOL. JK! 
Love ya all! Send me a kiss before you go to bed! PLEEEEASE! 

Искусство потребления vs Fashion & Beauty





What do y’all think of Daniel Radcliffe on the cover of “Искусство потребления" Krasnodar?
I dunno how abt you, my dearest subscribers, but I adore Evgenya Monahova’s photo session on Fashion & Beauty's February edition 2014. Pure black and white chic! Good job, Evgenya! Hope to see ya on Paris - Milan - Berlin runaway shows. 
I also dunno how it is like in the other cities, but we have some editorials which are spread for free in some areas, so that everyone can take them without paying. They are sponsored by companies who pay for the advertising of their brand on the editorial's pages. And I love it! Coz 
I don't get anything for free like some bloggers do and I buy everything myself. Every Vogue's edition, or Elle's one, or Dazed & Confused, or whasoever glossy and shiny that I ever got in my life, they are all bought on cash that I had earned afore by working my asses like a slave. 
"Искусство потребления" ("The art of consumption") is one of those litl treats that I could easily afford without spending a penny on it. 
If we take into consideration that I use mags just to see pictures but not to read the verbal content it's more than OKAY. They use paper of a considerably high quality and the whole thing is not repulsive to read. They choose fresh faces for their covers and I like the editor - in -chief's attitude to guide the concept. I can see Dina Ostrouhova being a woman with self-esteem. I respect such kind of women! Wish you publish my face on your pages some day, Dina! 


I'm back and I'm sober 



Check it out, check it out,  check it out!!!!! 


I know, my pose is like cr@p but f###ck it! Ain't I look pretty in my torn out jeans by ENERGIE.  Natalya  Vodyanova, would you please give me some private lessons and teach me how to wurqqqq dat ass, coz you are the BEST!!!! 

Btw, all these people you are staring at right now are my beloved co-workers and friends. Welcome!  I lurve you guys! 

I know plastic glasses suck,  but who cares when it comes to 'brutal hardcore The Motherland Defender's Day'? Besides, they are the only proof of that I had no vodka shots. Thanks for your attention! I'm off to sleep.  Love ya all! Post comments if you had like the same way of having fun! If not, just say you love me! Chao, bambini!

2/22/2014

Nighty night pigging out: epic!!!!!!




"Shashlik", "barbecue", "kebab" or whatever you call it,  but this all looks and smells amazing served together with two types of sauces - spicy red and garlic - or -  smth. white ones,  - onion rings, some grilled mushrooms and baked potato, but for the situation y'all I'm sure once had in life, when you want it like the more the better and you order it, but when you get it you end up pecking the potato and only three pieces of meat in da bowl. That's what your  'epic pigging out' means for the day after you've been dreamin' of it for months. 
Y'all know how sticky my hands are to what they call 'GOOD FOOD'. 

2/16/2014

I wish this was sung in my honor


Could anyone make a cover for this marvelously dirty "so me"  song by Richard Cheese, and finally call my name in the end of the song? You can count on a good blowjob then. Just kiddin'. But def. be sure I'll send a kiss to you or send a litl treat designed by MOIself if you're not by my place. 

Sberbank customer care service sucks but look what they have





Let's make double dare triple dare with this pictionnary? Look what my poor - sighted eye spotted yesterday at SBERBANK? I need this crown!!!! Maybe not this actually, but the one which costs 5 times more expensive and with all ruby, diamond and pearl filling inside! I neeed...I neeed...I waaaant it coz it's screaming my name all over it, isn't it???!!! 

Local Tv's fuck - ups



How the hell can a style bragger like MOI in this fuck###nblessed country of bad - mannered as well as dressed people be in touch with world fashion hence analyse fashion background to create the national personal image in da fashion world for her darn own sake, cause SHE needs it as a bi#ch needs a male's pecker, when they broadcast fashion shows dated back 2012 which is as far old as Hugh Hefner's balls (I'm sorry Sir Hefner, nothing personal I meant, I LOVE YOU). Look at the date! "Push the button change the channel" me and Mamma Madonna won't give you bad advice. Love every inch of your bad ass, my sweethearts. Warm blankets time, babies! I'm off! Sleep well!

AND DON'T FORGET TO SEND ME A PIECE OF LOVE AND BEST WISHES!!!

2/14/2014

Welcome back, Babyape!

I’ve restored all my accounts on social network sites. You know it better than me: getting ready to expansionary socializing procedures in real life requires a non -  stop full - time working asses online. 
Despite the fact that  sexually perverted old chumps from France and litteral areas of all sorts make the most part of my mail box over there, I love the idea of making friends with new people abroad. Can’t wait to go travelling together and feeding you with more ‘sneak a picture’ moments. Kiss you, my sugar babybabes! 

Black Skin Hapiness

Gawd, I’m dying in my own hell of jealousy for Kanye and Kim on the cover shot for L’Officiel Hommes 2013. Brangelina who? And where the f#ck is my black skin hapiness? 
Photo credit: http://www.whatsontianjin.com/

I'm addicted but I don't care


'It seems to me that Internet has become a new drug for people: it's easy to be hooked on, but impossible to quit' © Maurice Chabale.


I'm proud of myself




Sometimes I feel so proud of myself for having some things happened in my life just unexpectedely like I once had by sitting on a  w.c. pan of some gents and having  - Not that you’ve just thought of - , but a very clear image of this blue “Violin d’Ingre” top appeared in my mind. So I precipitated to take a pen out of my bag and make a sketch right on a piece of a toilet paper to show it then to my mom. After a week or something I got what I wanted. I’m blessed with having a personal dress maker in my disposal.  Unfortunately,  I used to show off wearng my blue “Violin d’Ingre” tot only once, when me and my ex’s friends went to Adygei to have picnic in the forest side about three years ago. Then it was stolen in a hotel room during my trip around the Region.  I miss the result of my true aha factor!






1st experience





My first experience in styling a photo shoot! Love my happy times spent in South Ocetia.
Those were the days! 
I am wearing a vintage roll-neck sweater, a vintage bloody red polyester V-neck shirt, and a blue V-neck thingie designed by MOIself and tailored by my mom. This multilayer outfit match my adorable skinny pitched pants with double-zipped pockets on both sides tailored by my mom too.  
The final bling - bling is my leather boots by Centro that I bought when my beloved Natalya Vodyanova, the best Russian model ever,  kept working for the brand. You can find some nice pieces on Vodyanovacollection websource. 

Haters = inspiration

I like people who keep telling you that you are NOTHING. And whenever you hear this you have to be thankful to these people, though at least appreciate what they say! Why? Well, let me tell you why! 
Once one guy who was actually an offended passer-by in my life,  told me such kind of things like that I was beneath his or anybody else’s notice just because I did nothing in my entire life.
He was right if we ignore the fact that he was a simple hairdresser, but I had left my home city at the age of 20 years old (I know some crazy guys who learn their lesson of ‘sweet escape’ much earlier,  like at 16 or smth., but that was my experience, I can’t shed it) and I started my independent life after that, being absolutely alone and opposed to the cruel outer space that  the critical - minded guy was actually part of.
I could speak three languages no matter how,  and I’d got a diploma with a bachelor degree for the moment.
I was worth nothing if we don’t take into consideration my first publications which had already been allowed to see the light of the day at that period of time,  when he was saying his words of contempt which had only one kernel of truth: since the moment you’ve heard somebody criticizing you, reinstall all your life programmes to introduce a new one,  which fires at a target to give everybody their gruel! And if it seems that you’ve done a lot or enough,  remember that you haven’t! That means,  that you have to work harder and harder, getting a source of energy from your evil-wishers! 

F""ck Moi, I'm famous!


I know, I know, I’m a camera and posh Mag b’ch. I got infected by the so called “media appearances” bug back in 1999 when one of the local newspapers had published a blurry photo with my shady silhouette on its background. That was not actually me alone on this photo, but me and my dancing partner with a beautiful name - Lydia.
We were waltzing when a camera man spotted us on the dance floor during one of the Regional Dance Championships which used to take place in Arkhangelsk once a year.  Our 15 – year old slender bones were over the moon after our classmates had twittered the news around the school.  
Then I remember myself being interviewed in the street by some students of Sociology Faculty in Arkhangelsk State Technical University, unless my memory deceives me.
I don’t actually remember what they asked me about, but I can easily reiterate my orgasm – like feeling in mind that I got at the moment, when I see a photographic objective in front of my eyes again. So, I’ll let you know! 
Then I got almost the same experience in Krasnodar when I took part in making a short promo video for the company I worked for. And they also published some ads with my face on a centerfold of one local editorial. That was awesome and lots of fun indeed!
And tonight as I’m surfing the Net, I’ve come across a blogger’s post dedicated to my persona!  The blogger’s name is Brian Yeung. He is from Hong Kong. We made friends in Sochi about two years ago when he first came to highlight a daily life of the future Winter Olympic Games 2014 host city. I disagree with the written – above in his article because he didn’t know me enough to make a conclusion of any kind, but nevertheless I’m grateful to his writing skills which made my name appear on MAKS PORTAL SOCHI, one of the most powerful web sites in the Southern Region. And if the famous saying by my beloved Andy Warhol (“In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes”)  is to be trusted, those were my 15 minutes of FAME

Film Review: "ДОЧЬ"



I’m just at loss for words after having watched this INCREADIBLE movie by Natalya Nazarova. I’m not pretending to play film critic now, but IMHO I must say,  that Nazarova’s deep insight into the current  social context of the Russian suburban life, and the problems surrounding it, expressed in a very delecate art visual form seems to be one of those few which are worth being recognized or at least approached to their acknowledgement by the global community of some devoted souls, as long as such kind of unique examples of devotion to muticulous truth enroots an idea of Power of the Almighty God in our minds. Whoever you are, whatever color of your skin is, whichever orientation or religion you adhere to, you must remember that God exists and he’s always keeping an eye on you. If you do bad to somebody, you will pay thrice, if you do good, you will be repaid one day let it be infinitesimally aka endlessly indeed! That’s what I’ve concluded! That’s what I stand for! Spread Peace and LUUUUV around everybody in this shitty world, my sensitive fag buffoons! 
POST SCRIPTUM: Those pigs who don’t speak Russian this is a fuckin’ plausible reason (of the rest of 1000000000000000000) why you should bury your needless crappy asses in the world of the Cyrrilic ABC and start respecting my blessed “born-out-of-daMatryoshka-doll’s vagina” country!  

Bureaucracy's getting on my nerves....

Yes, that’s what I mean! 
Yesterday I had to go to my new abode’s governor to get the documentation delivered after the Regional Passport Desk where I had gone earlier in the morning. I went back and forth two times changing offices one after another. 
It would be OKay if only I had to spend bloody two hours or so stuck in the fucking traffic congestion on my way home, but I met the other shit on my way like when I arrived the manager was out,  so I could find only his assistant who had no idea of what to do with the documents I’d brought in. The manager’s phone was dead. Nevertheless, I’ve managed to shorten the time he spent trying to figure out what’s what by having found the similar documents on his desk where we saw the seal on. I had been at least 15 minutes late to my work by the time. Ta-da!!!  And I got friggin’ panick attack when that manager from the office called me back and said that they had no person available to bring my docs to the Passport Desk the very next day, so that they could sign them. That means that I’ll have to get up at seven AM and grab my slender ass there to come by nine and queue for god knows how many hours just to get a single time-ticket. I won’t be able to do it rain or shine tomorrow because I’ll have lots of things on my plate except this shit. And I work like all normal people do at this time! So, we agreed that I’ll pick the stuff up on Thursday. Personal at the Passport Desk will fix the date then,  and I’ll be able to have my passport in an apple pie-order only next week. I’m an impatient Mother Frodo: I’ve been waiting for so long (about 5 month to be exact) so, six days afore give me damn goosebumps all over my lean figure! I hate it! And I mean my anger! I hope things will occasionaly change to the better somehow. God bless my invisible regal crown! Kiss ya! Calm me down by sending your increadible LUV to me, my litl fag monkeys!!! Love ya!  

Smth about the future

I must admit that this idea came to me long time ago, so long time ago,  that I’m starting to think that people  can’t live such a long life that it had occurred to me not just because of my greedy nature, not at all, albeit I’m like senile Consumer-type babe to earlobes, so I’m far from being that greedy person or smth., and not because of all of us living in a mass consumption world.  I simply wanted to put my thoughts together to better understand what I really want to gain in the nearest future, and to see how persistent I am on the way of achieving my goals. You can follow the downlisted stuff being crossed out when got. 
To cut a long story short I’m speaking about an online wish list that I’m looking forward to posting here on my digital diary (aka blog/aka travelogue/aka Tourette Syndrome backwash).
Let me reiterate once again not to be misapprehended, that this part is supposed to be changeable.  It seems to be interesting to see what gizmos used to be like essentials for you at the moment and how they are replaced by the other ones or even disappear whilst you’re growing older because everything material is frail. Unfortunately (except my fav brands, of course)!
                So let’s start step by step:
1)      To bring a renovation of my apartment to a perfect end goes # 1 at the present moment;
2)      To get my passport expiry renewed is the question of life and death;
3)      What’s coming from the point above: I am striving for going abroad. Shame on me, but I’ve never ever been abroad in my entire life. Not that I am obsessed down-to-motherland adherent scrounger who despises everything which spreads out of his narrow - minded “patriotically spiritual” concept. But because of a nuisance which has always prevented me from such simple things like going to the Immigration Office, filling out a good pair of worksheets with dozens of stupidly formal questions, and getting my fucking passport done in a month or so. Firstly, there was my military duty which had sticked my ass down to the odious cesspit - like worldwide -  I live in. Secondly, there were some formalities to arrange when buying an apartment. If you don’t get the documents, you can’t go abroad. Well, this is kinda explainable. And there were so many other reasons which will take me an hour or so to enumerate all of them, so I won’t do it, in case you’re interested, but I’m more than sure, that you are not. So let me go further.
4)      I’d like to work as a volunteer in a developing country (say African one, or Malaysian one or whatsoever). It might be a good experience, and, besides, I love getting over challenges without mentioning fun that I could get there working with some international communities.
5)      But first, I’d like to go to Turkey this spring for the first Fashion Week in my life and an after party fashion event to renew the Pictionary purveyance of my blog for my lovely readers;
6)       I need a new digital camera to have the aforesaid accomplished. Plus I needa take an extensive course of Fashion photography, and multimedia directory course too;
7)      And of course,  I can’t go travelling without a classy Vuitton  monogrammed suitcase;
8)      And of course,  I won’t be able to live without a chic faux fur coat (preferably hand-made), yashmack-like hat, “by HOT” long white tee ala Arabic style,  new watches (I’d appreciate RADO), an unassuming gold ring, if I go there in spring, and lots of other items which I’m planning to design and purchase myself for the appropriate occasion;  
9)      Then I need to pass my exams successfully to then apply for a further educational program in Europe or somewhere else, we’ll see, it  depends on my bank account’s abilities;
10)   That will demand a TOEFL certificate, or I dunno, any other certificate amplifying my chances to get a part-time job to invest in some projects that I’m not going to reveal now (Pardonnez-moi!);
11)   I really needa go to a spa. It’s an ass burning matter;
12)   I want to bleach my teeth;
13)   I want to get rid of my glassesforever so that I could wear only stylish rims for fun,  but not because of my – 4/5 poor sight vision;
14)   As I hate gyms, I’d like to have a basic version of abdominal crunch at home to kick off my cockroach paunch;
15)   It would be cool to visit some concert one day. Thanks God, I have a limited number of musical preferences in terms of performers I’d like to see singing live (George Michael is # one in the list).
16)   I’d like to taste lots of things among national cuisine of every country visited by my humble regal bones;
17)   There are some exhibitions working non-stop for their visitors’ sake that every kid in the world is aware of. Here is a small extent of them: Van Gogh Museum, The Dali Museum, The Garage, VINZAVOD, Nykytaiteen Museo and so on.;
18)   Then I’ve always dreamt of parachuting despite its being kinda dangerous occasion;
19)   If I’m alive after all the extreme-like gangbang in a non-professional sports events I’d like to settle down in my own villa somewhere at the seaside working on my book;
20)    Then I’d like to collaborate with a creative team of artists, singers, performers, photographers, fashion designers to create something really important for people’s needs,  something like they won’t be able to imagine their life without afterwards;
What else? May be the most important thing which would replace all the above – said pieces: some caring and supportive person beside,  who would be flexible enough to get over the obstacles together, sharing any kind of reward for the life-long struggle against surrounding insecurities all over the world. Peace! Sweet dreams! Please, write something like “I luv you” or “I wantt you”, or”I need you!”. 

I got it! 






I was about to get teary-eyed after I’d got the entire package of cadastre documents for my second “Provence” styled - like abode in Krasnodar, Russia. That means that I’ve become a full-FLEDGED owner of my intimate piece of 37.4 sq. m. happiness Hooooooo yey!!!!

One more lovely day



I had a lovely day today despite some morning insecurities, but money can’t buy your love, so I feel happy rain or sunshine!
What I had to do was all for pleasure! Yours and mine, of course!
First, I got up early in the morning despite I went to bed late the previous night. Surprisingly I did it without an alarm – clock. I said “surprisingly”, because I literally don’t remember when was the last time I woke up without my tarnal alarm clock which is able to make a cadaver wake up.
I started doing some paper work and, while googling some websites, I found out a very interesting one. I haven’t tried this yet, but if some of you, naughty gamblers, dare try your luck, I promise to be the next one to follow ya example!!!! Just don’t forget to leave a comment, PLEASE!!!
Then, after having my bills paid off to hell, I went to have lunch in one of the commonly visited snack bars in the city center, which is called like “Burger’s room”.
Actually I got tenuous relationship with the staff working in there after I once had to wait for about an hour and a half to get my order delivered. I ended up leaving empty – handed after all, because in extenso ‘something went wrong’.
I’d kept on ignoring them till I got seduced by their ads welcoming to the three-course business lunch of appxtrl. 5$ worth.  And the portions were absolutely crazy. I mean I left like damn pregnant cockroach. Then I thought: ‘Okay, after that wonderful creamed potato soup with bacon scraps you’ve just served, you deserve my mercy, bitches!’
The moment I was crossing the doorstep I got a phone call from a receptionist informing that I was out of work in the office for today!
 So, I fixed a lesson with one of my students who I help to improve English speaking skills twice a week. He’s a very nice and genuine guy, but he lacks zeal to be perfect.
 I said him good-bye at about 7:35PM and decided to take a bus because all taxi drivers seemed to extinct like dinosaurs at that time.
I hate traffic jams in Krasnodar!!!!! I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate this shit!!!!
They say that in Moscow the traffic congestion is 300 times worse but anyway they’ve got subway at least!
I was squeezed between an old lady and front doors. Thanks God, He didn’t make an overweight whore of me, but I still felt like a sweating sausage in a hot-dog.
Because this imbecilic cocksucker, the bus driver I mean, kept on grabbing and grabbing people inside. When I was at a loss of temper I literally yelled at a curly-headed bitch who was pushing me up,  when there was no any teeny tiny space left in the bus,  even for the spotlight,  without speaking of three fat asses trying to push themselves  in.
I usually try to be patient with such kind of people. But for she hadn’t treated me with unwanted familiarity, I wouldn’t have said a word. I was so happy to answer her back. It was an orgasmic – like feeling. Because I remember when such kind of moments ever happened to me,  I behaved like a fucking persecuted sheep with a Stockholm syndrome,  pretending to be “over the situation”,  and even kinda polite and tolerable.
And I felt really sick after that.  This is hard to describe but I would compare this feeling with one when your parents read some sensitive info in your diary or when Russian punks put you in a dust-bit to accomplish their initiation ceremony (I can only guess the reality, don’t get me wrong. I never tried either of them).
Luckily I got home safe.
And one of my co-workers (=friends)  has just made my day after having invited me to a her farewell party at Jazzeve. Her name’s Melanie. She’s from Puerto Rico. Yes, you’re right. I mean from one of those paradise-like places on earth with hot sweaty bodies playing volleyball  on sunny azure beaches.
So I needa buy a small present tomorrow. Hurraaah to one more shopping day!
Now gonna go to bed! Wait for the reportage after tomorrow’s fabulous bender!!!! Hugs’n’kisses. Take care, my lovely litl monkeys!  

I put mercy on you, b###tches!


"Okay, after that wonderful creamed potato soup with bacon scraps you’ve just served, you deserve my mercy, bitches!" (Me)

F#ck mes yeux cernés and Russian homophobia!

It’s 3:50AM and I wanna say that I adore the night life I’ve been spending for the last four days. 
Some larks would hastily remark that I skip the rising sun and blah blah blah, or some malevolent would probably sarcastically bite my ass by commenting my “yeux cernés” the next day,  but who on earth cares? It’s still shining anyway!
En revanche I’ve got a great chance to do all sort of things that I like: i.e. eye-casting over Russian GQ catwalk shotsVogue France,  lots of videos posted on ASVOFF, plus loads of fashion blogs and online editorials, or say  getting my mouse hung in the fridge, coz it is damn empty. By the moment of posting my nighty night Tourette Syndrome backwash, I’ll devour my last of 30 red caviar tartines. Believe me, that was shocking for my tight guts. 
Besides, I could watch almost every movie on Gaiz.com website, I’ve just finished watching  ”The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and what I can say that I couldn’t get rid of a sticky meme: our state officials and luciferian - like IVAN OKHLOBYSTIN on the front line getting a heart attack while watching this film. That’s a lot of fun I have to admit! 
I mean it hurts when you live in the country where THESE THINGS can be made possible, and when even in a down under Australia people are less like homofoe. 
For those of my readers who don’t speak Russian let me introduce a docket of the article: “This bloody retard - slash - unchurched priest, sorry! -  worse, - dared to write an official letter to Vladimir Putin aka cesspit’s President, attention!  - fact! -  where he,infernal son of b#tch, no! -  worse, offered to fetch out Article 121.1 gone to hell in mid-90’s.”
You, my litl f#g monkeys,  probably have never heard about it, so your he-ape queen will be kind to give you an opportunity to refresh your Inside-the-Head memory sticks by this recapitulative article
The LAW is not enough for them so they wanna be like friggin’ Albania or Nigeria or whatsoever in the list. It’s so disgusting so that Imma at loss of words. Wish me all the best to overpass this HUGE stress: like a new pair of shoes, or a new bungalow somewhere at the Carrebean Coastlines, a vehicle, or a new love (feel free to change the order!)
Time 4 sweet dreams NOW, cutie pies! See ya tomorrow! Sending my intercontinental love overseas! 

Don't trample up on MOI! 



I HATE»>HATE YEAH**** I absolutely HATE when somebody tramples up on me!!!! Whoever it would be!  
As yal’ guys already know I’ve got a new nest to settle down after all this throwing my cachetic skin and bone body round the suburbs. But I can’t live there because It is still out of fix. It needs a huge trashing repair. And it must be as chic as a glittered ass! I mean I won’t repeat my previous experience when literally everyone thougt their duty was to preach me as if they had to live in my own apartment,  but not me, but I was obliged to listen to the crowd! It’s especially relevant to my parents.
Heck I’m already bloody 26! And I am the only person to decide what to do and there  is no need to yell at me and to push me on! I feel like a late boomer who even goes to pee clinging to his mom’s skirts. Remember: It’s not so easy especially in this cesspit called Kuban. 
Everybody aims to make a fool of me just because I look out of age. Sorry that I don’t look like an old cow bitch! But I’m able to catch an egregious lie when you try to sell me a shit instead of a pack of Cerecit. 
I’m so pissed off! I need a HUGE vanilla ice-cream cone! NOW!!!! 
PS: Sorry for not posting photos for so long. I’m just encaged at home coz I feel so down that I don’t want to go out at all, even if the Third World War crosses my threshold in a minute!
Promise to reform. Kiss ya all! 

We found love drowned in unconcern but we lost it in a drop of the split milk


Oh those love memories…they tend to humbug you into a delusional love feeling to make you believe in its existence,  when in fact there is no a teeny tiny one left in your heart, like there is no any white liquid in an empty milk bottle that you’ve just dropped down. And the tears won’t work!
There’s nothing over there, but only fuzzy dreams and a pinch of self – deceit.
My first “real love”, real obsession,  -  that would be right to be called -   the only reason, why I chose this  city to live in since our first date at the boomy railway station, is now not more than an illusion that once occasionally happened in my life and disappeared so quickly as cropped up.
Oh gawd, we got hooked on each other at 1st sight. I dunno what about him, it would be fair to speak only of myself, so that was me, who got hooked on him at 1st sight.
And now I understand that this was a god damn - knock, knock cliché - ’ blind love’.
I mean…come on…what did I have to expect from a man who was ten years older than me, sociably protected by his high posts, and hand-shakings with the local administrative officials not to mention such an insignificance as the evident difference in our zodiac signs, characters and god knows in what else, coz we’d just spent a divinely beautiful fortnight together, leave the fact that that was the best fortnight ever in my bloody acne skin youth,  and that we’ d got acquainted via the Internet.
Yes, I know, I know that it was reckless to accept an invitation from a stranger I even didn’t see in real. But I was too young to think of such a bullshit like a self-protection,  so I hurried up to drive away to the seaside which was 3200 km far from my native place,  while my parents thought I was sitting locked in my apartment.  I had nothing to lose.
 Frankly speaking,  I thought I wouldn’t lose anything but a good impression he could supposedly not to make on me,  if I didn’t really like him.
Okay, seriously,  the worst he could do was to rape me, but the adrenaline kept boiling in my blood all over the body and  I ignored all the warnings that my sub consciousness was sending towards my brain synapses.   
I mean high risk, high reward.
Of course, as a result, I was charmed by his courtesy flavored with some sort of brutality in the way he looked like and behaved.
I don’t mention the sums he had blown off on me so that we could go out, and spend time like no other fab couple who just encountered. It was the craziest and the most mind – boggling two weeks’ stand, for sure!  Every guuuurrrrrl would be pleased to be treated like that!
And one knows how deranged I was after I got the message when cramming shit for my final exams at home, saying that we had to “break up” just because he “decided to restore the relationships with his ex” that now I understand was a fu***g outrageous lie.
Now I understand too,  how stupid it was from my part to grieve over the relations pouring your eyes out to get them completely dried off, but how strong I was at the same time to successfully graduate from the University without being kicked off, or hurting myself or  - even worse  -   committing a suicide,  though I was on the verge of doing the latter.
Lucky I am to smile even at the thought of it at the moment!
As a matter of fact, accept it or leave it, it all turned out for the best. So I accepted!
I can be free now. Life’s taught me a lesson that one can hardly ever meet his/her one and only ‘real love’, when he/she’s  just a pimpled middle class offspring. And that you can be delusional,  if it makes you happy! Time will show who’s been right in fact.
But you should always keep in mind that you shouldn’t cry over split milk when it’s really split © (Maurice Chabale aka Alexander Lichoutine, dated back 06/01/14). 
Яндекс цитирования.